...It would be here.
And it's easy to imagine what the mav'rick might say of her safe, secure, patriotic self storage facility in the rustic land up north:
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where will he go? Alaska, that's where. Right over the border. So we have to be prepared, my friends. We have to stock up with munitions and meat -- good fresh meat like moose and caribou, none of that imported French meat with mad cow disease and funny-sounding names like 'la vache.' Ew.
"But what to do if your camouflage gear clashes with your Southern Living at Home
decor and intricate needlepoint chair cushions? You keep it safe, polished and ready-to-go in self storage! It's where I keep my helicopters, hunting gear, bear skins, oil stores and daughter's ex-fiance -- oh, I mean, ha ha, that last part is off the record of course.
"Eh-hem, where was I? Oh yes. I believe that the best self storage of America is not all in Washington, D.C. I believe that the best self storage of America is in small towns like Wasilla -- these wonderful little pockets of what I call real America, the hard-working very patriotic areas of our great nation."
But enough about Sarah; let's focus on the everywoman's self storage needs in Alaska.
American Mini Storage is centrally located at the foot of the breathtaking Chugiak Mountains. The facility was founded in 1984 and houses thousands of square feet of state-of-the-art storage. Its central location makes American Mini Storage convenient to Wasilla, Palmer and Eagle River, with customers coming as far away as Anchorage to benefit from competitive prices.
The ideas and commentary in this blog are satire, meant to provide entertainment only. Storing munitions or living in any self storage unit is illegal. Please read your rental contract.